. . .

I still can't think of anything substantive to write about, so what I'm going to do is write up two posts, one positive (and probably shorter), the other negative. I'm sure you'll get the idea.

• Holla! Bengals resign my favorite player, the awesomely stupid WR Chris Henry, and all the whitebread moralists predictably blow a fuse. The best headline was this: "Bengals take Henry back...all it cost was their souls". "Souls"...what a fucking joke. If they (or any American professional sports team) had a soul, they wouldn't have raped a dying city out of a $400 million stadium that's used 15 times a year and is a blight on the skyline.¹
  
• The McRib is back.
  
• Stephen and I had two man-dates, seeing The Dark Knight and Pineapple Express. Loved them both!
  
• I hate superheroes. Superman bores the shit out of me; rooting for him is like rooting for a hurricane. Spiderman is a complete douche. Iron Man is only good because Robert Downey, Jr. is so great. The X-Men are okay, because at least they have flaws. Batman, though...he just seems realer. Well, this version of Batman, anyway. The whole thing is just perfect, the right director, the right Batman, the right supporting cast.²
• Okay, it's probably not surprising that I loved Pineapple Express. The math is simple: The Judd Apatow crew + weed jokes + '80s action movies + David Gordon Green = TG likes the movie.
  
• You're probably not watching Generation Kill³, and if you aren't, don't wait for the DVDs to come out, get on BitTorrent and download it now. I'm serious about this. It's the best thing on TV this year. As opposed to every other bullshit Iraq movie⁴, it doesn't talk down to you and the only real stance it takes is anti-war and pro-troops (which is basically where I'm at). The guys who did The Wire⁵, David Simon and Ed Burns, are doing this, and it's just as good. Oh, go to your local library and get the book it was based on, too.
  
• Since my social life is virtually nil, I've been reading a lot. And since I'm a giant nerd, I keep track of what I read here.
  
• I've finally been beaten down by Ryan and Andy into watching How I Met Your Mother. It's a good show, and I'm glad I started watching it. Points:
• I am shocked -- repeat, shocked -- that Neil Patrick Harris is as funny as he is. Who would have ever thought (pre-Harold and Kumar, of course) that Doogie Howser, MD could be this awesome? He single-handedly carries this show.
  
• As always, I am impressed with attention to continuity.⁶ Second to NPH, this is the show's biggest positive.
• Robin's character is pretty great too. Besides being hot, she's also a clever gender-reversal, not giving a shit about relationships or getting married, but not turning into a slut caricature.
  
• That doesn't mean it's all good...⁷

---

Footnotes

1. This one kind of turned into a negative, didn't it?
2. Speaking of Christian Bale, go rent Werner Herzog's Rescue Dawn. Oh, and the documentary it was based on, Little Dieter Needs to Fly.
3. Actually, you probably are, since the only person who reads this terrible blog is me, and I'm obviously watching.
4. Probably starring John Cusack. What a douche he turned into. Hey asshole, leave your irritating political viewpoints to yourself and make another funny movie. But what can we expect from a fucking Cubs fan?
5. Which, despite what Andy may believe, is the greatest show of all time.
   
6. Lack of attention to continuity is one of my biggest TV pet peeves. More on this in the negative post.
7. This is where you go to the negative post. I'm not done with it yet, and I'm not really done with this one yet. I may add to it, but I have to get ready for work now. (Quit complaining, this shit is free. Oh, and terrible.)
   

Labels: Bengals, movies, random, TV

• First, a little crowing: Madieu Williams is no longer a Bengal, making Andy's dog's name (Madi) obsolete. I believe I predicted this.
• Oh, more crowing: I did enjoy Blogtober ending with a whimper.
  
• For about six hours, Shaun Rogers was a Bengal. Whoops, now he's a Brown. Why can't the city of Cincinnati have anything? More specifically, why can't *I* have anything? Seriously, whenever I start liking a team (Duke excepted) they suck. Example: I've been to roughly 100 Reds games (that's probably low, but it's an estimate). I think I've seen at least 70 losses. Seriously. And now that Dusty Baker is the manager, well...let's just say the outlook is not good. Look: Notre Dame sucks now, the Mavericks, Rangers, Bengals...any team I enjoy = suck.
• This was supposed to be Scrubs' last season, but now it's apparently not. This is only notable for one thing: it's possibly Zach Braff-less. Maybe I'm not cursed.
• The Wire is down to two episodes left. Now, my criticisms from earlier this year are still valid, but the show is still great. The media plot is ridiculous and heavy-handed, and I don't agree with its premise (Journalism, etc.), but it's proving dramatic.
  
• I don't really have anything else.
  

Labels: baseball, football, random, The Wire, TV

The masses have spoken and have demanded that I post again!¹

• In case you've been paying attention², that "MLS" on the end of my signature means I (shockingly) graduated.
• In other shocking news, I have a job! I start tomorrow.
• Obviously, the big TV news was the series finale of The Sopranos. How do I put this? It³ sucked.
  
• No, not because there wasn't a bloodbath, or even a definitive ending. The show has never been about that. The show has been about depicting what Tony's (or any Mafia life) would be, creating a sense of constant tension and uncertainty. But not everything comes to a giant climax because not everything in life comes to a giant climax; in other words, not much happens on the show because, well, not much happens in real life. The problem with this approach is you often get a boring, anti-climatic show. In the first three seasons and season five, this wasn't a problem because the things that built up to the anti-climax were actually compelling.
  
• The really inexplicable thing was all the stupid, pointless "predictions" thrown about last week. My "favorite" was the speculation that Tony was going into witness protection. Really? A show whose creator has been insistent about this not being a stereotypical Mafia drama is going to end the series in the exact same way as Goodfellas?
• Gilmore Girls also ended. I bailed in November.
• How disappointing was this season of Scrubs? Here's a list of things:
• The lack of development in JD's character. He's actually regressed since season one.
• The lack of development/maturation of JD & Dr. Cox's relationship. There's no respect, bordering on pure contempt, from Dr. Cox towards JD, which was understandable if JD was still an intern, but he's an allegedly good doctor now. Of course, since he's turned into a giant douche, Dr. Cox's contempt is somewhat understandable.⁴
  
• The utter waste of Elizabeth Banks' talent in a pointless, chemistry-less relationship with JD.
• Oh God, the stupid, intelligence-insulting Kim-lies-to-JD-about-the-baby storyline.
  
• The forced tone of the wackiness combined with the poignant that was once effortless, and to me, the most disappointing thing in this list, since it made the show so great.
  
• Back to something actually great: Knocked Up. Regular readers of the blog⁵ know how much Judd Apatow's work, ranging from Freaks and Geeks, Undeclared, and The 40 Year Old Virgin, has meant to me. Not suprisingly I absolutely loved Knocked Up.
  
• I've also started to NetFlix back episodes of The Shield, which is very good. Not at the level of The Wire, but what is?
• The Reds suck, and since I've moved down here the Rangers suck too. Clearly, I'm baseball poison.
  

---

Footnotes

1. They have not.
   
2. You haven't.
   
3. The whole season, for that matter.
4. For a good example of a maturing relationship within the show, look at Dr. Cox and Turk. He's gone from utter dismissal of him, to a grudging respect, to now, where they are more or less friends.
5. All one of you.
   

Labels: baseball, movies, random, TEG, TV

So it's been a while. Here's what's been happening:

• Went to Medieval Times last weekend for Andy's birthday. Yeah...not my thing exactly. When you go in, they give you a colored paper crown (just like at Burger King) based on where you're sitting and what knight you're supposed to be cheering for. Well, instead of just handing it to me like a normal person, this fucking idiot tries to put the crown on my head. And so, not wanting to a) be touched by a stranger and b) look like a douchebag with a paper crown on my head, I back away and say no thanks. Instead of taking this chance to just hand me the fucking thing, she keeps trying to put it on my head. Well, goddammit, what do you think happened next? I keep backing away, she keeps trying to put it on me. So now I look like an even bigger douchebag running away from a teenager trying to give me a fucking paper crown. I really don't think it's unreasonable not to want a stupid paper crown, but apparently not at Medieval Times.
  
• Dolph is trying to grow a mustache. I guess he doesn't know he has blonde hair.
• In other Dolph news, he correctly picked the Bengals to go 8-8 this year. So now he's picking them to win the Super Bowl next year.
  
• So if you're keeping score, Dolph a) is growing an invisible mustache and b) thinks he's clairvoyant.
• If you're not watching The Sarah Silverman Show, you're missing out. She's just a brilliant performer. There's this promo running on Comedy Central for tomorrow night's show where she's giving a speech to schoolkids -- just watch her face. She gets all the mannerisms of a school speaker down perfectly, while saying some vile, hilarious shit.
  
• Also good and funny: 30 Rock. I initially stayed away because Tina Fey, former head writer of Saturday Night Live. Given the last time SNL was good was when Will Ferrell was on the show and it has been just unwatchable since then, staying away was a good assumption, I think. Anyway, this is one time I'm happy to be wrong. Best comedy of the year, and unlike other shows I could mention, this actually is great. Hopefully it doesn't get cancelled, which of course it will be.
  
• Andy Richter is coming back, this time as comedy P.I. I give it three shows before it's replaced by yet another hour of Howie Mandel spare-ing up the TV.
• Speaking of Andy, why hasn't Andy Richter Controls the Universe been released on DVD?
  
• Watched Harold and Maude finally. I liked it, even if I now can't get several octogenarian-sex images out of my head. Thanks for that, Ann. Anyway, how did Bud Cort not become a huge star? He's fucking great in this, the Jason Schwartzman of his time. What happened here?
• Hey, so the Shins finally released a new album. Despite the Garden State stigma, they're still great.
• Pitchers and catchers have reported to camp!
  

Labels: football, movies, music, random, TEG, TV

• Oh, man, I'm seriously procrastinating bad. I have a very large report for my cataloging class that is due in about ten days that I haven't started.
• So, apparently the comments were set to moderate on this blog. I just found that feature tonight and approved them. I switched that off, but I left word verification on. Anyway, there was a comment here that needed a reply.
• People here are going fucking apeshit over the football. You have to be down here day to day to understand the effect the Cowboys' play has on the area -- if they win, they're going to the Super Bowl and everyone's happy, if they lose, Parcells is the worst coach of all time, all the players are shit, they should dump the rest of the season, and everyone is ready to commit mass suicide on Dealey Plaza. It's insane. Also, there were 46,000+ at Texas Stadium this weekend for a *high school* football game.
• Speaking of football, Notre Dame took a big old dump on Saturday. They just don't have the athletes at this point to consistently compete with the state schools and USC.¹ What they should do (and what they're probably doing already, since they're smarter than I am) is identify the smart kids early on and super-recruit them. Unless they're all stupid, which is a distinct possibility, and ND is screwed.
  
• Don't bother with Gilmore Girls this season, it's been god-awful so far. The new producers just can't cut it.
• The Wire has been predictably great so far this season.
  
• Scrubs is back on Thursday!
  
• Baseball Hall of Fame voting starts soon. The two most irritating figures from my childhood of sports, Cal Ripken, Jr. and Tony Gwynn, will get in. I cannot stand either of these people.
• Ripken should be obvious. Whitebread, bland, always-with-the-creepy-smile, on and on about how he loved the game, blah fucking blah. The establishment media loves this shit and predictably buys into it wholesale. Great, you played a bunch of games in a row. But you were easily the most talented player of your generation and you never became what you could have been if you had just taken a break once or twice a month. You *know* he hurt his team by playing too often and not being fresh by the end of the season. Does any of this get brought up in the mass fellating that his Ripken media coverage?
• Gwynn is similar. He is one of those guys who presents a great image of himself, as this jovial, roly-poly, safe for white america black guy, a stance which really irritates me and can't possibly be real.² And as a result, he gets very favorable press, based on his one skill, hitting singles. The fact is that Barry Bonds is about 800x the hitter Gwynn ever was or ever could have been, but you still hear about how Gwynn is the "best pure hitter ever", and that goddamn show of him talking with Ted Williams about the "science of hitting" always gets the nostalgists misty-eyed. Whereas you have Barry Bonds, keeping it real -- he's a dick, he knows it, and he's never tried to hide that fact, something that will always get my respect, if not the general public's.
  
• One thing you can be sure of is that Mark McGwire will not get in on the first ballot. First of all, yes he deserves it. For a good ten+ year stretch, he was the best power hitter in MLB, and that counts for something. But you will hear two reasons why he won't be in. The first is that he only hit homers. That's true, more or less, but he still has 583 of them, despite being hurt a lot. Then there's the steroid thing. What really hurts him (with me and the establishment media) is him pussing out at Congress. From the establishment's standpoint, it was basically an admission of steroid use, which in sports media world even the taint³ (see Sammy Sosa) is a capital offense. My problem is that he should have admitted it (if it was true, which there is still no proof of course) and told Congress to go fuck themselves. But he does deserve to be in the HOF.

---

Footnotes
1: Speaking of that how the hell does USC have the talent base that they have? They're a good private school, so I would assume they have great admissions standards (which is why Notre Dame, a school I probably couldn't get into (not that I tried), can't get the great recruiting classes of yore). I mean, they are in LA and have an incredibly hot coed fanbase, but something else is going on there...or else Pete Carroll is the greatest recruiter of all time.
2: See also Kirby Puckett.
3: *giggle*...taint...*belly laugh*

Labels: baseball, blog stuff, football, random, TV

...while I watch the World Series. I'll try to keep these to one line on the edit screen. No footnotes either.

• In case you're wondering, yes, I am irritated that Sean Casey is playing in the WS now.
• I love baseball, but I hate both teams in the WS. I'm watching, but I want everyone to lose.
• I don't like this kind of speculation, but Ivan Rodriguez hasn't really been "Pudge" for a while.
• I'm glad the beard has made a comeback. Alas, mine doesn't connect.
• It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown was on tonight. It is the only part of Halloween I like.
• Q: How are Dolph and Jay-Z related?
  
• A: Neither's retirement lasted very long.
• I want to watch AT&T Home Turf starring Deion Sanders like I want super-lupus.
• Re-reading it, my big wedding post is a big embarrasment. I sound like an 16-year old emo kid.
• You know, The O.C. starts back next week, and I haven't seen any FOX promos. Odd.
• Wait, no, not odd -- the show blows.
• Jeff Weaver and his hilariously long blond hair look so out of place in the Midwest.
• Okay, Standoff, I'm glad that Ron Livingston is getting work, but when you start ripping off bad Denzel Washington message movies, might be time to hang it up.
• If you haven't already, go see The Departed.
• The Cardinals currently have an outfield of an old Jim Edmonds, Preston Wilson, and So Taguchi. These are your (probable) 2006 World Champions.
  
• You know, during the Super Bowl, all the Detroit media stories you'd hear were about "rebirth," "renaissance," etc. The very few stories I've heard during the WS have all told the truth; one called Michigan the "Mississippi of the Midwest". Tells you something about the NFL's ability to control the media/stay on message. Or it's nothing.
• Broke the rule there. Damn.
• ENOUGH WITH THE FUCKING "GOD BLESS AMERICA" ALREADY! One superfluous patriotic song a game is more than enough, MLB.
• The "up and coming R&B group" that tried to sing the above song is called "Varcity". Really? "Varcity"? That's how the kids roll these days?
• Rhetorical question #1: if a pitcher commits an error that leads to a run, why isn't it an ER?
• Rhetorical question #2: is this post's theme working for you? Should this be a regular feature? Inasmuch as anything is "regular" on this blog, anyway?
• Several one-word reviews of various things:
• The Departed: best.
• Scrubs reruns: godsend.
• The Hold Steady: genius.
  
• Jim Leyland: grizzled.
• Tony LaRussa: overrated.
• Joe Buck: prick.
• Tim McCarver: senile.
  
• Tom Greaves: tiresome.
• How do you walk Preston Wilson, Fernando Rodney? He swings at more pitches than Adam Dunn.
• I'll be back in the 'nati from Dec. 21-Dec. 27. Set your plans to be snubbed by me now.

That was harder than it looked.

Labels: baseball, movies, random

...

• So I've been thinking about this for a while: I do not like the show How I Met Your Mother. I should like it, since it's only the, what, second¹ respectable² sitcom that actually stars people from my generation. But I just don't, and I think I've figured out why.
  
  1. I don't like the way the show is marketed and hyped to me. I'll handle these in order:
     
     1. Marketing: I hate, hate, hate anything that is presented to me as speaking for my generation.³ Never, ever trust anyone who claims to speak for you. That includes politicians, artists, teachers, etc.
     2. Hype: People who praise this show to me act like it is just the most groundbreaking show of all time, a non-stop laugh fest. Well, I've seen the show, and it just isn't. It's just okay -- let it be okay. We need okay shows on television. Is the state of the modern television sitcom so bad that shows like this one and Everybody Loves Raymond get praised to high heaven? If these shows were on in the early-to-mid '90s or late '70s-to-early-'80s, when actually great shows⁴ were on, they would barely even register on the radar. I'm not saying the show is shit -- it clearly isn't. This isn't the SAT test; I'm not going to readjust my grading scale just because the general population has gotten dumber.
        
  2. I don't like the looks of the main actor; he looks like if Jimmy Fallon and Zach Braff had a baby. Every time he's on the screen, I either expect him to start giggling and looking at the audience, or staring soulfully into the distance while sad-bastard yuppie-indie music is playing. It's really distracting.
     
• Enough, Zach Braff. Just enough. Stop. No more directing. No more drama. Let me explain this to you as clearly as possible: Garden State sucked.⁵ I would rather contract an incurable case of super-syphillis than go see The Last Kiss. You're not the voice of a generation; if so, I want my generation's larynx crushed. You're great on Scrubs. You're funny, likable, willing to be a nerd.⁶ Stick to roles like that. Or otherwise, go the fuck away.
• The Wire started its fourth season this month, and of course it is the best thing on TV. A analogy with The Shield is instructive: The Wire:The Shield :: novel:comic book. Discuss.
• Don't ask me about Gilmore Girls. I haven't seen the premiere yet; Stephen's TiVo taped the fucking replay of the fucking Bengals game instead.⁷
  
• Speaking of the Bengals, I hope Nic and Lye have a 24-hour suicide watch on Dolph⁸ after the debacle on Sunday. It's like they just decided not to try after halftime.
  
• So I guess I'm a Bengals fan now. I do not like being a fan -- losing hurts too much. It's not as bad with baseball, since there are 162 games and no shot at winning, but when you know your team can do it and they take a dump just hurts, and I don't like caring that much when there is nothing I can do about it.
  
• G4, the video game channel, is now showing replays of Arrested Development for some reason. I'm not complaining, but it's weird that the same channel that runs game cheat programs also runs the second-finest sitcom of all time.⁹
  
• So the Reds season ended with a whimper. Perhaps - and this is just a shot in the dark - trading your starting shortstop and right fielder, who are also just happen to be two of your five best hitters, for two relievers, one of whom is injured might not be the best use of resources. But hey, Juan Castro is resigned for two more years! And Griffey still wants to play center despite not being able to run! Good times, good times.
  

  ---

Footnotes:
1: Besides, the late, lamented, dearly beloved Undeclared.
2: By this I mean in terms of it is actually possible that this show is good.
3: See also: Garden State. (I'll handle Zach Braff later.)
4: Think Roseanne, Seinfeld, The Simpsons, etc. for the former, Soap, Barney Miller, Taxi, etc.
5: It is one of two movies that represent everything I hate. Also, I'm sure it's real easy to get over serious depression when you're boning Natalie Portman. The rest of us aren't so lucky.
6: This isn't my theory entirely, but I think one reason he made that movie was to try to show how cool he really is. He's portrayed on Scrubs as so aggressively dorky, I'm sure he got sick of it.
7: I hear there are other ways of getting various shows digitally (i.e., BitTorrent). If anyone can get it for me, or tell me how, that would be nice.
8: And that Amy has one on Andy.
9: To The Andy Griffith Show, of course.

Labels: random

So I've been busy. Here's an update with a new twist...footnotes!¹ (They aren't interlinked. You're just going to have to scroll down. TFS.²)

• So we had Ryan's "bachelor party"³ in Chicago⁴ on Labor Day weekend, hosted by one Justin Hunt.
  
• It should go without saying that I absolutely love Chicago. It fits all of my categories in city-liking: large⁵, lots of stuff to do⁶, easy-to-use, rail-based public transportation system⁷, heavily Catholic⁸, seasons, etc.
• I flew into O'Hare after working the early shift at the library. I had to get a taxi to Justin and Sarah's apartment, a 15-20 minute drive. But, it costs time-and-a-half because Elmhurst isn't inside Chicago city limits⁹. Sounds like a scam to me, but what am I going to do?
  
• Saturday was the big day. We el'd it down to Addison and saw a Cub game. They played the Giants¹⁰ and promptly lost. I hate the fucking Cubs more than life itself¹¹, so I was happy. Ann's dad met us there. To get the entire Wrigley experience, I had an Old Style Light¹².
• We then went to a bar in Wrigleyville¹³ for a bit and watched college football.
  
• Then we went downtown.¹⁴ We walked down to the lake in Millenium and Grant Parks, and saw the Buckingham Fountain¹⁵, among other things.
• Then we tried to get dinner. We first tried Giordano's, a deep-dish place...with a 2-hour wait. Right around the corner was a sushi/Thai place, which hit the spot.
• Then it was back up to Wrigleyville for the Improv Olympic theater's show, Cupid Has a Heart On¹⁶.
  
• Then back up to Justin's on the el. There were a couple of girls on the train who were looking a little woozy. Two stops before ours, one of the girls bolts for the door and yacks right on the platform. Luckily her friend pushed her out the door before they shut.¹⁷
  
• Sunday was our chill day. We did go to a casino, however.¹⁸ Justin won a bunch of money¹⁹, and Ryan lost money²⁰. I won $6.²¹
• The last event was eating dinner at Justin's restaurant. Very nice -- I had the prime rib²².
• Then I made Justin wake up at 6 to take me to the airport. Not every story has an ending has happy as this one, people.²³
• Then last Friday I went back to Da 'Nati for Ryan and Ann's²⁴ wedding. For some reason, I booked the super-early flight out of DFW, which meant I had to be ready to go at 520 am, after working and school on Thursday.
  
• After seeing various family members, I headed to the rehearsal. The wedding was at Bellarmine Chapel at Xavier, then the dinner was a Buca di Beppo²⁵ in Rookwood.
• Then a bunch of us decided to get all nostalgic and go to Dana Gardens.²⁶
• Next day I went to Ryan and Ann's new house in Kennedy Heights.²⁷ It's very nice, with a spacious basement just large enough for a cot.
  
• Ryan had graciously picked up Justin and my tuxedos, so we changed there for pictures. Oh, and I had a migraine, which made everything just wonderful.²⁸ On the positive side, it gave me an excuse to have someone else drive.
  
• So we took the pictures at Eden Park²⁹, competing with (I think) three other weddings. We took all the pictures there, including the group photos, which meant Ryan and Ann saw each other before the wedding.³⁰
  
• They also had the receiving line³¹ before the wedding, which almost caused a huge problem of starting late.
  
• I only fucked up once. In the initial walking-down-the-aisle, Ryan's sister Kelly and I were supposed to wait for the priest and Ryan to get up to the front. Well, we started early, and were about halfway down the aisle when Ryan got up there. Oh well.
• Justin and I got cigars on our way to the reception. That was held at the 20th Century Theater in the heart of Oakley. An inspired choice of venue, since...
• The balcony was open to the wedding party, so I had a place to hide while the people I didn't know³² had fun.³³
• Justin, Ryan and I smoked said cigars³⁴ in celebration afterwards. Ryan had to leave for Maui in the morning, so he abandoned his stogie halfway through.
  
• Sarah stepped up and smoked the rest though, and we sat talking in the Oakley esplanade until 2. A very nice capper to an interesting night.
• Oh, Justin and Sarah are now engaged.³⁵
  
• Sunday I caught up with family. I attended my cousin Chris' football game and later had dinner with my Dad and Grandma.
• I had to work early Monday, so I took the 545 am flight out of Cincy in the morning, which meant I had to wake up at 340 to take a shower. The airport was shockingly crowded that early. So, I had to go to be pretty early for me, at 945 or so. Just as I was falling asleep, right in between sleep and awakeness, my brother gets home and thinks it's a good idea to wake me and talk to me. When I'm in this state of sleep, I startle very easy. So Joe breaks in, and says
  
  "Hey Tom --"
  
  I shoot up out of bed and say
  
  "WHAT! WHAT! WHAT!"
  
  "Tom, I just wanted to say --"
  
  "WHAT! HUH! WHAT DO YOU WANT!"
  
  "What's wr--"
  
  "GET OUT!"
  
  "Okay..."
  
  "GET OUT!"
  
  "Okay..."
  
  And that was all I saw of my brother. And I'm shaking at this point, totally freaked out, and I don't get back to sleep until 1.
• So that was my weekends.
  

---

Footnotes:
1: Yes, I've been reading David Foster Wallace lately. Sue me.
2: This stands for Tough Fucking Shit.
3: "Bachelor party" is in quotes because it wasn't much of a bachelor party, just me, Justin, and Ryan. Well, and Justin's friend Rob one night.
4: Actually, Elmhurst, IL, where Justin and Sarah live.
5: I know Cincinnati doesn't fit this.
6: This either.
7: The beloved "el".
8: I was dragged to an off-brand¹ church on Easter, and there I fully developed my personal theology: I'm a Catholic atheist. I don't believe in all that "God" and "Jesus" stuff, but I like the weirdness of Catholicism: the saints, the stone-age approach to sexuality...it's fun. Plus, since I don't have a dominant ethnicity, I need a group to identify with.
9: Obviously.
10: And Barry Bonds even played! And hit a homer! I think Justin and I were the only people in our section who cheered for him². Some douche heckled Justin, but he shut him up with a Sosa reference.
11: This post should explain why³.
12: Tasted like piss, but I have one of their t-shirts.
13: Bar drama is awesome. There were a few drunk girls there, so naturally some dumbass will try to hit on them...until the boyfriend shows up. Hi-larious.
14: My suggestion, and a hit.
15: Of Married...With Children fame.
16: The show was musical comedy, not straight improv. Some funny bits, a thumbs-up overall.⁴
17: This may or may not be what actually happened; just my recollection of the events.
18: Grand Victoria Casino in Elgin, IL.⁵
19: As usual.
20: Ditto.
21: I am an awful gambler⁶, mainly because I'm a pussy⁷.
22: Not as good as The Palm's, but what is?
23: Overall, a great weekend, bringing back memories of great, do-nothing college weekends involving the same three participants.
24: I've already told that story.⁸
25: Probably the last time I'll ever go there. The food was fine, but the place was filled with a bunch of faux-kitschy shit that just sort of creeped me out.
26: In case you're wondering⁹, it is still a shithole. Same old dirty-ass Dana's.¹⁰
27: Riding the first wave of gentrification...Ryan is a pioneer!
28: Caused by a combination of four things: I mixed alcohol¹¹ the night before, too much sleep¹², no coffee, and no food. Cured by a couple Excedrin Migraines and a pint of chocolate milk.¹³
29: Well, it was supposed to be Ault Park, but there was a private party there.
30: Ryan told a "funny" anecdote about the priest at Bellarmine¹⁴ saying it was good to get rid of old superstitions. I said that was rich coming from a Catholic priest.¹⁵
31: I hid in the corner of the lobby, of course.
32: i.e., essentially everyone.¹⁶ The one person who I had hoped was going to come (and RSVP'd) didn't.¹⁷
33: Here's the part where I'm going to explain myself. I had something of a romantic hope¹⁸ for the weekend, involving one person¹⁹. I had always thought this person and I had something of a connection, but typically I never did anything. However, she essentially ignored me the whole weekend -- so fuck it, oh well, water under the bridge, etc.²⁰ But I met another girl that weekend²¹ who turned out to be super cool. And the shitty thing about this situtation, and that gets me down before anything even starts, is that I had been running in the same circles as this girl for like six years and I didn't even bother to meet her.²² Well, today's going to be different...except for the fact that I'm not exactly the best at many many things²³, prominent among them talking to women. So anyway, I'm up on the stage eating, and guess what? This person has brought a date. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Now I'm going into that bad place. Now I'm refilling my champagne glass to the brim. Now I'm walking to the bar and ordering a Rolling Rock and going upstairs. Alone. What makes this situation even worse is that dude wasn't even a date, just a tagalong; the guy left early. And I had an entry. I had an opportunity. Towards the end of the evening, the DJ²⁴ put on my favorite song of all time²⁵ on, "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye. This is my time, right? I look down into the crowd and she's sitting alone. All I need to do is my biggest hurdle: do something. I should have done something, fucking anything instead of drinking alone. And it didn't happen, and I'll probably never see this person again, at least not in the same way.²⁶
34: My cigar experience was just okay. I'm thinking seriously about getting a (tobacco) pipe.
35: That's right, I'm the last one standing.

---

Footnote Footnotes
1: i.e., Protestant.
2: Most were heckling him. Some asshole¹ kept yelling "Steroids...Steroids..." Like really -- Barry Bonds? Steroids? This is the first I've heard of such a thing! Come on hecklers, be creative.
3: Why are Cub fans so damn loyal? They have sucked -- sucked! -- for the last 50 years. Christ, the Reds sucked for barely ten and fans are abandoning them in droves. Yeah, Wrigley is super cool, but that can't explain the whole thing.
4: This was almost ruined by the end, where the cast hugged the audience members. That's like my nightmare.²
5: Elgin is the weirdest town. Way out in the suburbs, but damn near 100% Hispanic.
6: And poker player.
7: I am very afraid of losing money, even when I had money to lose.
8: Christ that post is embarassing. I sound like such an asshole.
9: And since I'm the only person who reads this blog, I am.
10: Ryan said they refurbished the tables recently, but they're still carved up like always.
11: Cranberry/vodka(s), a sambuca³, and a few beers.
12: 10 hours, straight through. Just incredible, but I paid for it.
13: An underrated hangover/headache cure.
14: Your typical modern Jesuit: an ex-hippie in a Roman collar. This one had absolutely no sense of humor, though.
15: My comedic high point of the weekend.
16: I'm not complaining; it wasn't my party, and no one forced me to attend. I'm just explaining the situation.
17: He's out, probably for good.
18: Why do I do this? They never end well.
19: I'm not going to name this person, because, well, this is embarassing enough.⁴
20: Although I was texting one Randolph Diemar about this situation while it happened. He gave me the advice to go after this particular person, saying "Get down there and be Tom Selleck tonight".⁶ I was too far gone to do anything however.
21: op cit.
22: Even more reason for me to rue my early twenties.
23: Audience participation time! List some other things I suck at in the comments.⁵ I know you can do it.
24: A poor performance overall. He repeated a couple songs, played the fucking chicken dance when expressly told not to, and played "Golddigger". At a fucking wedding. It almost made me want to bring DJ Ointment out of retirement.⁷
25: Arguably.
26: That was a long footnote. I should probably delete it, because I will regret it tomorrow. But it needs to be said, and this is as good a place as any. The weird thing about this situation is that I've been feeling good lately. I like my job a great deal and the lows haven't been crater-deep like they have. But again, my biggest problem is getting myself to do something.

---

Footnote Footnote Footnotes
1: Not the same asshole who heckled Justin.
2: Sitting in the front row + strangers + touching = a big bag of anxiety for Tom.
3: An Italian liqueur (sp?).
4: Not that if you're unfamiliar with the situation it isn't easy enough to figure out. More of an Encyclopedia Brown case rather than Nero Wolfe.
5: I'll get you started: video games, blogging, driving.
6: The best advice he has ever given me.
7: Probably not good for a wedding though. I hear he only spins modal jazz and hardcore East Coast drug rap these days.

Labels: hater, random

• Man, this summer has been dead as far as TV goes. The best show I've seen has been The Hills, a spinoff of Laguna Beach. I highly recommend both shows - they are sort-of reality shows, in that they star actual people, but the scenes are staged and more or less scripted. Virtually nothing happens on either show - they talk about things, and I guess stuff happens, but I'm not sure. They are still addicting. The best character on the shows is Jason, a teenage lothario who juggled like three girls on Laguna Beach before dating LC, who is the "star" of spinoff. He's a giant douchebag, of course, but he somehow attracts all these girls despite being a total dick. He's either ignoring them or apologizing to them. Stephen and I think he's brilliant. He's also a giant cokehead; always disappearing into the bathroom with his "friends", and scratching his nose all the time.
  
• Because of this, I subscribed to Netflix. It is of course, awesome. Random movie thoughts:
• Brick: high-schoolers speaking in Raymond Chandler-esque language. A
• Metropolitan: a Whit Stillman film, which means lots of talking and not much plot. These types of films are like movie crack for me. A-
• The Long Goodbye: Altman's adaptation of a Raymond Chandler book, updated to '70s LA. Great stuff, not to everyone's taste however. A
• Wet Hot American Summer: Irony overload. A parody of summer-camp films by the guys from The State and Stella. Way, way overhyped, but Paul Rudd is predictably awesome. C-
• The Constant Gardener: Two hours of how America and large corporations suck. I live in America, so I already know it sucks. C
• Tristram Shany: A Cock and Bull Story: Sort of a mockumentary-ish, British film about filmmaking. If it's quirky and British, I'm all over it. A-
• Election: High school and election satire. Reese Witherspoon's finest moment. A-
• Magnolia: PT Anderson, 3 hours, John C. Reilly, and Tom Cruise in his only good acting performance ever. A
• Kiss Kiss Bang Bang: directed by the guy who wrote Lethal Weapon and other 80s/90s action movies. It's a deconstruction of and a good action movie at the same time. A-
• Saw Talledaga Nights in the theater. Absolutely brilliant. It's Anchorman on wheels, but I'm fine with that. Best comedy since 40 Year Old Virgin. Not as good as that one, but still funny as hell.
• Got a job. With the Richland Hills, TX Public Library. Stop in, and I'll pretend I don't know you.
  

Labels: movies, random, TEG

...I'll do an NCAA live blog. I should be doing homework, but whatever. All times CST.

4:57 - That's it for the afternoon games. I might start a new one later on tonight. Peace, bitches.

4:56 - Alabama 90-85 Marquette. Turned into a good game there. 5-for-7, with one of my 16 down.

4:55 - Novak misses a wide open 3 with 8 seconds left, and Marquette has to foul. They're done, looks like. Meanwhile, Montana 87-79 Nevada. 5-for-6. (cue the Charlie Brown sad music, and picture me walking away with head down.)

4:51 - Novak misses a turnaround jumper with 30 secs left and Marquette down one. Marquette has to foul. 19 secs left, Bama dude hits both. Marquette down three.

4:48 - The things you learn from Dick Enberg: The Marquette coach's wife is Jim Harbaugh (ex-Bears and Colts QB)'s sister.

4:45 - Novak for Marquette (think Scott Padgett, except good) gets Marquette within 1.

4:43 - J.Felix for Alabama is 8-11 for 3's today. Marquette down by 4, 2:20 left.

4:37 - Not very long, it looks like. Marquette is down by 10 with 4 left, Nevada down by 9 with 2:23 left.

4:31 - The Pontiac commericial just asked me to "Google Pontiac" and showed a picture of the Google home page. Did Google get any $$$ from that? I haven't heard of this anywhere.

4:27 - Oh yeah, 5-for-5 now. How long can my luck last? Stay tuned.

4:25 - Hail Mary play fails, Tennesse 63-61 Winthrop. If anyone is still convinced Tennessee deserved that 2 seed, they are dumb.

4:22 - Winthrop game is on the analog feed. Holy shit, some guy on Tennesse just hit an off-balance, long 2 off an in bounds play. Super ballsy, Tennessee up by 2, 0.4 seconds left.

4:19 - Tip dunk works this time, Marquette up by 1! Go Catholics!

4:16 - Winthrop/Tennessee tied at 61, 21 seconds left. Marquette is back within 1, 12:39 left. Nevada is still down to Montana, goddamn 5 seeds.

4:15 - Florida 76-50 S. Alabama. 4-for-4!

4:14 - Speaking of The Sopranos, I really liked the premiere on Sunday. Word is, this season is going to unfold Pulp Fiction-style; i.e., the premiere was actually the finale, and the rest of the season is showing what led up to Uncle Jun shooting Tony. I think that would make sense. They are doing 12 eps now, then 8 more in December (IIRC), so the 8 left over could be the aftermath of the Tony shooting.

4:07 - Looks like S.Alabama is toast, down 24 with 2 minutes left. Winthrop up by 1, 3:30 left! Why can't I watch that game!

4:05 - Marquette is crawling back, dueling 3's and they're down by 6.

4:03 - In the realtors commercial, they say "they live by a code of ethics." I watch The Sopranos, and so does the Mafia. Just saying.

4:00 - Anyone else watch that Big Love show on after the Sopranos?

3:56 - now we're back to Marquette - Alabama. Switch it back, CBS! Just because we're in the south doesn't mean I want to see this game!

3:53 - they just cut to commercial in the middle of a posession. Fucking CBS.

3:52 - This game is awesome. Up-and-down the court, intense and physical as hell. This is why people hate the NBA and prefer college basketball.

3:48 - They flipped over to Winthrop-Tennessee and it's in HD too! Tied up, 10:30 left in the 2nd. I hope they stay on this game.

3:41 - Alabama 44-30 Marquette at the half. Marquette is not playing well at all.

3:36 - Unintentional comedy alert! A Marquette guy just tried a tip dunk and was blocked...by the rim.

3:35 - If you're wondering why I was so pissed about no HD, it's because HD sports is that much better. It's like the difference between black & white and color.

3:26 - Alabama up 15, 5 min. left. Also, Montana is up by 8 on Nevada in the battle of Western state schools. Oh, I have Nevada in the 16, so fuck.

3:23 - Clarification on the SA uniform entry. I don't mind plain/basic uniforms; I love the Penn State/Notre Dame/USC football unis, or the Yankees'. But those just look like they got them out of Eastbay.

3:15 - Marquette guy just did the "jump-and-throw ball back in off the other guy as it goes out of bounds" on some other dude. Except he threw it as hard as he possibly could. I laughed.

3:11 - Marquette is not playing well. down by 11, 10 left in the first. 6 turnovers to Alabama's one.

3:06 - Florida 31-25 S.Alabama at the half, closer than expected. SA has the most generic uniforms ever - blue with "Jaguars" on the front. They look like a high school team, not a D1 tourney team.

3:00 - Winthrop is keeping it shockingly close - only down by 2, almost the half.

2:57 - Deadspin is right - Jay Bilas does look like GOB.

2:55 - I'm weak. I can't focus on the game without announcers. Back to the analog feed.

2:52 - Screw it, I'm going to the HD feed. Alabama's coach has the ugliest crimson jacket on. Looks like some shit Bob Knight wore back in the 70's.

2:49 - the analog feed has sound.

2:48 - CBS switched to the Alabama - Marquette game...in HD! Jay Bilas and Dick Enberg are doing commentary. Dick Enberg is like everyone's grandpa - going on tangents that make no sense at all. His best sport is tennis, however. No sound yet, BTW. Great job, CBS.

2:37 - Here's something weird. The Superficial, one of the dirtiest celebrity gossip blogs, has CatholicMatch.com as a BlogAd. I clicked on it.

2:35 - There is a look-in on Tennessee-Winthrop. Winthrop is keeping it close early. Tennessee deserves a 2 seed like West Wing deserved all those Emmys. Which is to say, not at all.

2:32 - The hugely entertaining Ted Ferguson Bud Light ads are on today. In a shocking development, Ted Ferguson was actually available to make a PA at the Dallas St. Patrick's Day parade last weekend. I'm really astounded that he was available. (The parade was a ton of fun, except we got there late. I got sunburned bad. And drunk. Really drunk.)

2:30 - It's a shame Florida is so good, because I hate Billy Donovan. Here's a rule to live by, kids - never ever trust anyone with slicked-back black hair.

2:25 - What do you think the admission requirements are for the University of South Alabama? I can't imagine they're as selective, as, say, Xavier or UNT, who weren't selective at all. There's a joke in here somewhere.

2:22 - Now we're on Florida - South Alabama. Still no HD.

2:18 - The Defamer post said this is the first time SP has been censored by Comedy Central. Not true - there was an episode a few years back that featured Cartman tricking Butters' parents into beating him that CC won't air anymore.

2:17 - Done! 88-76 BC. Way way way closer than it should have been. 3-for-3, bitches!

2:16 - BC up by 9, 53 seconds left. Done?

2:15 - News from Defamer: Tom Cruise "allegedly" personally threatened Comedy Central into pulling the South Park Scientology episode that was supposed to air last night.

2:11 - HUGE dunk by BC. Up by 7 with 2:30 left.

2:09 - Quit whoring yourself out, Coach K. It just makes people (not me) hate you more.

2:06 - Xavier plays Gonzaga at 7:20 (ET?) tonight. Some smartass in my group named his picks "Xavier - One and done". Like we didn't know that? Where the fuck is the heathen UC?

2:05 - Smith at the line, 2 shots, BC down 2. Just made the first. And the second! Double OT!

2:03 - 12 seconds left BC down 2, they just called a timeout. An Army Reserve commercial is on. The son and dad are shooting pool and discussing the son's impending enlistment. Do sons and fathers shoot pool? The only thing my dad and I ever really did together was either yell at each other or go to gun shows.

2:00 - Should I have a drink this early? If anyone is reading this real-time, put your answer in the comments.

1:56 - Pacific just hit two fast break threes in a row and are up by 6 with 2:30 or so left in OT. Fuck you, Al Skinner.

1:55 - Oh yeah, there's a bomb scare in San Diego. The bomb dogs hit on a suspicious package in a hot dog cart. I'm no expert, but I know that dogs generally like hot dogs. (I want to work a Anchorman reference in here, but I'm at a loss.)

1:49 - What a shock, OT.

1:48 - Wait, BC called a timeout with 0.2 sec. left. Christ, just call it. They don't have time to catch and shoot.

1:45 - BC's star Smith just walked. You suck, Al Skinner, and you have stupid facial hair. OT.

1:43 - Christ, BC is close with Pacific. BC-Sweet 16 may have been a mistake, but I got caught up in the hype, and my natural allegience to Catholic schools. Pacific just tied it up with 9 seconds left.

1:41 - Oklahoma went down hard to UW-Milwaukee. 2-for-2, bitches!

1:40 - Ryan's fiancee Felicia, er, Ann never gave me a reason why Butte, MT sucks.

1:37 - Wichita State has just won. I'm one-for-one so far. How long is that going to stay? Not long, I'll bet.

1:36 - I'm in my Aunt and Uncle's living room and the laptop is on a shaky TV tray. I'm in the living room, and not the game room upstairs, so I can watch the HD feed. And guess what? CBS, in its infinite wisdom, isn't broadcasting these games in HD. Fucking hell.

Labels: random, TV

So I'm waiting for school to start up (on Tuesday) and I've been thinking about stuff. Generally pop culture, as usual. Anyway, a term that gets bandied about a lot is "underrated," especially in the sports world, where lazy journalists use it like a crutch holding up whatever shaky point they might be making. My definition of the word is "something that is really good, but not flashy-good or extraordinary-good that it stands out; you take it for granted." Here's a brief list of underrated things:

• TOBACCO DELIVERY SYSTEM - the pipe. Not as pretentious or cliched as a cigar, and doesn't have the social stigma of the cigarette, the pipe just looks super-cool and classy, even when it isn't being smoked. Only drawback is that it might be a bit too rare these days.
• DESK ACCESSORY - the rip-off-a-day calendar. It's kind of nice having something to wake up and do each morning, even if it's something as banal as tearing a piece of paper from a pad on a stand.
  
• PROCRASTINATION TOOL - the snooze button. I've snoozed for upwards of three hours before. That's right -- hitting the button every nine minutes for three hours before finally getting my ass out of bed.
• ENTERTAINMENT DEVICE - video games (in general). What the hell did people do before video games? I can't even begin to imagine what college dorm life would have been without video games...what would I have done with my time? Studied? Fuck, I graduated cum laude without studying much. Gotten high with Lyle and Nic? Yeah, probably that one.
• TELEVISION CHANNEL - ESPNews. That's right, ESPNews. Need to kill a half hour? ESPNews is your ticket. The previous day's sports highlights condensed into a half hour, plus the running bar on the bottom that provides more info than the actual presenters. Only problem is that they are starting more original programming, but that bar at the bottom is gold.
• CLOTHING ACCESSORY - the belt. I always took the belt for granted until I left mine at home when I went to JAX for my cousin Jackie's wedding. Even with my big ass, my fuckin' pants were falling down all weekend.

That's all I have at the moment. Not that anyone reads this shitty blog, but post any you might have in the comments.

Labels: Misc., movies, random

Update...

• Driving down was fine. I went the (slightly) longer way, through southern IL, Missouri, and Oklahoma. Got to see St. Louis, and the arch, which was of course impressive. I considered stopping and going to the top, but then learned it was like a gondola to get up there, and fuck that shit.
• Stopped for the night in Springfield, MO -- the Branson exit. To give you an idea of what is in Branson, Yakov Smirnoff has his own theatre there.
  
• I got down here and everything was fine.
  
• Then my grandmother died.
• Went back to Cincinnati for the funeral. Luckily my Uncle Ron let me use some of his miles, so the plane ticket only cost $50 instead of the $1000 list. The funeral was actually quite nice. It's still weird -- the two women who raised me are gone.
  
• I registered for classes fine. Surprisingly, I received a $3400 scholarship instead of the $1700 I thought I was getting. Also, my bill only came to $2600, so they paid me the $800 balance.
  
• (This doesn't mean I'm forgving any debts. If you owe me money and are reading this, I haven't forgotten.)
• Classes started fine. They're classes. I think this time I'm actually going to have to do the assigned reading though.
• I'm still staying with my Aunt and Uncle, two weeks after I had planned to be out. I'm not exactly sure why I've stayed longer.

So that's what I've been doing. Pop-culture stuff:

• The 40 Year Old Virgin was great, but then I expect nothing less from Judd Apatow and Seth Rogen. Also, Undeclared (finally) came out on DVD. Haven't bought it yet.
  
• TV starts back up this month:
  
• The O.C. started on a middling note last week. They really ought to hire me as a writer.
• Gilmore Girls is back tomorrow. (Shut the fuck up, you watch it too.)
  
• Arrested Development is back next Monday. Fox is putting it up against The King of Queens, the inexplicably popular sitcom with Zach Morris' summertime college-age girlfriend in it. (You all know who I'm talking about, don't even start...) This will probably be the death blow for it, sadly.
  
• Curb Your Enthusiasm starts back 9/25.
  
• Everwood is back 9/29.

...

Labels: movies, random, TEG, TV

Andy finally posted his pics from DFW a month ago:


At Stephen's ceremony. Top row, L-R: Stephen's friend and navy man Kevin, cousin Tim, cousin Jeanie, cousin Jackie, cousin Andy. Bottom row: cousin Simon, brother, cousin Kevin, your blog party host.


Brunch at Tim's bachelor pad (10 min. from SMU campus), Stephen opening his gifts. My big fat head is in the bottom-right corner.


Stephen posing with some of his swag.


Out-of-town cousins posing with the graduate.


The brothers together.


The graduate.


On campus, at the Doak Walker statue. Note Joe fondling poor Doak.


On UNT's campus, outside the main library, with my Aunt Carol.

...

Labels: movies, random

• I cleaned my entire apartment today. Vacuumed and mopped the whole thing. This is just so my Dad doesn't yell at me like he did the last time he helped me move. He bitched at me the entire time we were moving stuff last year after seeing the sorry state of the house Ryan and I were living in. My sophomore year in college, he didn't talk to me for a week after moving me out of my dorm room, it was so bad. All of this is incredibly ironic, given the sorry state of his house, but what are you going to do?
• I went clothes shopping yesterday. That's right, clothes shopping. For some reason, it's very hard to find basic, dark clothing these days. I look like a jackass in anything else. At Old Navy, I accidentially bought an XXL polo shirt. Sadly, it fit fine. I'm still taking it back -- I have some pride, you know.
• I've started to sell my excess stuff on eBay in preparation for my move. I sold a couple DVD's and an XBox game last week. It went smoothly, I hope; the USPS still has to do their part and get the items delivered on time. But I got paid, at least.
  
• The big problem I'm going to have is getting rid of all my puroresu videotapes. They are all bootlegged, so eBay is out, so they're sitting in my Dad's basement for now. If anyone would like to buy them, drop me an e-mail and we'll talk.
• Justin breezed through town last weekend. He said he and Sarah are thinking of moving back to town. That's a little ironic because one of the biggest reasons I'm moving out of town is because all my friends (save three) moved away within a one-month period. I also finally found an apartment and a part of town I like, and am still moving away. Also, I hate the heat, but am moving to one of the hottest parts of the country during the hottest part of the year. But that's the way shit is going for me these days.
• I've been going through a little pre-move anxiety attack since I got back from DFW. I didn't have as good a time as I had hoped. This happens to me sometimes. I build things up in my mind so much that reality doesn't live up to it.
  
• I also got literally an hour and a half of sleep before we left. We left at 4 AM for our flight out of Indy, and I planned on going to bed around 9:30 (to be up at 3:30). But I played video games (KOTR II) until 10:30 and just as I was getting off to sleep, Andy calls me. I was so keyed up (since I usually don't receive calls after, well, ever) that I didn't get to sleep until 2.
  
• Back to DFW. Anyway, it was really too hectic and stressful for me to have a really good time, but I did what I could to enjoy it. I can only imagine what it was like for my Aunt Carol, who had to host all of us ungrateful bastards (that includes me).
• I went up to Denton (where UNT is) on that Sunday. I had planned on going up there to look around, and my Aunts Carol and Barb wanted to come along, which is fine and actually a good thing, but then my cousins Andy and Kevin come, so okay, but then my grandma wants to go. Christ. She's 78 and I love her more than anything, but goddamn can she be a pain in the ass. When she gets nervous, she gets real chatty...and she doesn't like the idea of me moving too much. I'm the only thing she has left of my mother, I think (yeah, there's my brother, but he's never around). So we're driving around Denton and she's asking just some inane questions and I can't do anything about it. I can't yell at her -- she's my grandma -- and I can't leave since we're in a moving car and I'm 1000 miles away from home. So I'm stuck and I just want to go home.
  
• So that's why I've been a bit melancholy since I've been home: the move is proving a bit more complicated than I had previously figured. My friends here don't give a shit, since they don't talk to me anyway, but my family does, since they're my family and they have to give a shit, and I'm worried about housing and everything else that will have to happen once I get down there. If I were a stronger person, I'd tell everyone to go fuck themselves, change my name, and move to Europe.

That was a long post. Perhaps I should go back to posting funny animal pictures, or putting up links to shit I'm selling on eBay like Ryan does.

Labels: movies, random

My brother and I are going to DFW for a long weekend starting Friday. (It's my cousin Stephen's graduation, in case anyone cares, which they do, since I care and I am the only one who reads this blog.) A few random notes:

• Fuck you Danny Graves, you tatooed douchebag. You're trying your best? Tough shit, it's not good enough. We're fucking sick and tired of the Reds losing, and assholes like you aren't making it any better. You epitomize the reason the Bengals are overtaking the Reds as the #1 team in Cincinnati...at least when the Bengals sucked (and they still do Dolph) none of them (outside of Corey Dillon, and everyone (except me) hated him anyway) whined about getting support from the fans. If this had been 1975, Sparky Anderson would have yelled at you for about an hour, then Pete Rose and Joe Morgan would have beat the shit out of you with a fungoe bat, then Sparky would yell at you some more.
  
• Dolph and I went up to Justin and Sarah's place in Chicagoland a couple weeks back and had a really good time. We were planning on going to a Cub game, but shitty April weather and Dolph's love the NFL Draft prevented that. We did go to the Chicago Improv Festival, which was really cool. The main performers (on the night we went) was a group called Baby Wants Candy, which does long-form musical improv. Ryan would have loved it, and could have loved it had he not been a hater and decided not to come with us.
• I borrowed the Everwood first season DVD's from my cousin Kevin. Man, is that show good. It tiptoes the line perfectly between emotional drama and cheese...not an easy thing to do. My pop-culture sense, usually dead on, failed me on that one -- I cut on the show forever until actually watched it.
  
• As good as Everwood is, The O.C. is that bad. I mean it really sucks this season. I'm sticking with it on residual goodwill from the first season and that Sandy Cohen is just a great, great TV dad.
  
• Another pop culture rediscovery: Rushmore. I watched it a couple years back and it didn't do anything for me at all, then my TiVo recorded it a while back and I loved it.
  

...

Labels: movies, random