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What Keeps Bill Parcells Awake at Night

Michael Lewis the best nonfiction writer going; well, maybe equal with Malcolm Gladwell. I personally like Chuck Klosterman's work better, but almost every article he writes is essentially about him, so I can't really include him in the discussion; I personally respond to it better, but I can make a distinction between the quality of the two. It's like the difference between Bill Simmons and a sportswriter like Gary Smith of Sports Illustrated. Film discussion works this way for me as well. The films I've liked and responded to the best over the past few years are The 40 Year Old Virgin, Kicking and Screaming (Noah Baumbach, not the Will Ferrell abortion), and The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou, but I can recognize that they aren't "great" films in the sense that say, Citizen Kane or whatever is. (The Third Man is one that combines both; it resonates with me personally and it's "great".) This is probably a false dichotomy that I'm creating here, but whatever. The point is that despite my love for them, I can recognize their flaws.

Labels: books, football

So I added Ryan's blog's RSS feed to my Firefox bookmarks today, and noticed something odd...



Notice the three dots at the end of every post title? That prick is jacking the gimmick on my shitty blog for use on his shitty blog! Get your own piece of punctuation, Ryan, the ellipsis is taken.

Labels: hater

...while I watch the World Series. I'll try to keep these to one line on the edit screen. No footnotes either.

• In case you're wondering, yes, I am irritated that Sean Casey is playing in the WS now.
• I love baseball, but I hate both teams in the WS. I'm watching, but I want everyone to lose.
• I don't like this kind of speculation, but Ivan Rodriguez hasn't really been "Pudge" for a while.
• I'm glad the beard has made a comeback. Alas, mine doesn't connect.
• It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown was on tonight. It is the only part of Halloween I like.
• Q: How are Dolph and Jay-Z related?
  
• A: Neither's retirement lasted very long.
• I want to watch AT&T Home Turf starring Deion Sanders like I want super-lupus.
• Re-reading it, my big wedding post is a big embarrasment. I sound like an 16-year old emo kid.
• You know, The O.C. starts back next week, and I haven't seen any FOX promos. Odd.
• Wait, no, not odd -- the show blows.
• Jeff Weaver and his hilariously long blond hair look so out of place in the Midwest.
• Okay, Standoff, I'm glad that Ron Livingston is getting work, but when you start ripping off bad Denzel Washington message movies, might be time to hang it up.
• If you haven't already, go see The Departed.
• The Cardinals currently have an outfield of an old Jim Edmonds, Preston Wilson, and So Taguchi. These are your (probable) 2006 World Champions.
  
• You know, during the Super Bowl, all the Detroit media stories you'd hear were about "rebirth," "renaissance," etc. The very few stories I've heard during the WS have all told the truth; one called Michigan the "Mississippi of the Midwest". Tells you something about the NFL's ability to control the media/stay on message. Or it's nothing.
• Broke the rule there. Damn.
• ENOUGH WITH THE FUCKING "GOD BLESS AMERICA" ALREADY! One superfluous patriotic song a game is more than enough, MLB.
• The "up and coming R&B group" that tried to sing the above song is called "Varcity". Really? "Varcity"? That's how the kids roll these days?
• Rhetorical question #1: if a pitcher commits an error that leads to a run, why isn't it an ER?
• Rhetorical question #2: is this post's theme working for you? Should this be a regular feature? Inasmuch as anything is "regular" on this blog, anyway?
• Several one-word reviews of various things:
• The Departed: best.
• Scrubs reruns: godsend.
• The Hold Steady: genius.
  
• Jim Leyland: grizzled.
• Tony LaRussa: overrated.
• Joe Buck: prick.
• Tim McCarver: senile.
  
• Tom Greaves: tiresome.
• How do you walk Preston Wilson, Fernando Rodney? He swings at more pitches than Adam Dunn.
• I'll be back in the 'nati from Dec. 21-Dec. 27. Set your plans to be snubbed by me now.

That was harder than it looked.

Labels: baseball, movies, random

...

• So I've been thinking about this for a while: I do not like the show How I Met Your Mother. I should like it, since it's only the, what, second¹ respectable² sitcom that actually stars people from my generation. But I just don't, and I think I've figured out why.
  
  1. I don't like the way the show is marketed and hyped to me. I'll handle these in order:
     
     1. Marketing: I hate, hate, hate anything that is presented to me as speaking for my generation.³ Never, ever trust anyone who claims to speak for you. That includes politicians, artists, teachers, etc.
     2. Hype: People who praise this show to me act like it is just the most groundbreaking show of all time, a non-stop laugh fest. Well, I've seen the show, and it just isn't. It's just okay -- let it be okay. We need okay shows on television. Is the state of the modern television sitcom so bad that shows like this one and Everybody Loves Raymond get praised to high heaven? If these shows were on in the early-to-mid '90s or late '70s-to-early-'80s, when actually great shows⁴ were on, they would barely even register on the radar. I'm not saying the show is shit -- it clearly isn't. This isn't the SAT test; I'm not going to readjust my grading scale just because the general population has gotten dumber.
        
  2. I don't like the looks of the main actor; he looks like if Jimmy Fallon and Zach Braff had a baby. Every time he's on the screen, I either expect him to start giggling and looking at the audience, or staring soulfully into the distance while sad-bastard yuppie-indie music is playing. It's really distracting.
     
• Enough, Zach Braff. Just enough. Stop. No more directing. No more drama. Let me explain this to you as clearly as possible: Garden State sucked.⁵ I would rather contract an incurable case of super-syphillis than go see The Last Kiss. You're not the voice of a generation; if so, I want my generation's larynx crushed. You're great on Scrubs. You're funny, likable, willing to be a nerd.⁶ Stick to roles like that. Or otherwise, go the fuck away.
• The Wire started its fourth season this month, and of course it is the best thing on TV. A analogy with The Shield is instructive: The Wire:The Shield :: novel:comic book. Discuss.
• Don't ask me about Gilmore Girls. I haven't seen the premiere yet; Stephen's TiVo taped the fucking replay of the fucking Bengals game instead.⁷
  
• Speaking of the Bengals, I hope Nic and Lye have a 24-hour suicide watch on Dolph⁸ after the debacle on Sunday. It's like they just decided not to try after halftime.
  
• So I guess I'm a Bengals fan now. I do not like being a fan -- losing hurts too much. It's not as bad with baseball, since there are 162 games and no shot at winning, but when you know your team can do it and they take a dump just hurts, and I don't like caring that much when there is nothing I can do about it.
  
• G4, the video game channel, is now showing replays of Arrested Development for some reason. I'm not complaining, but it's weird that the same channel that runs game cheat programs also runs the second-finest sitcom of all time.⁹
  
• So the Reds season ended with a whimper. Perhaps - and this is just a shot in the dark - trading your starting shortstop and right fielder, who are also just happen to be two of your five best hitters, for two relievers, one of whom is injured might not be the best use of resources. But hey, Juan Castro is resigned for two more years! And Griffey still wants to play center despite not being able to run! Good times, good times.
  

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Footnotes:
1: Besides, the late, lamented, dearly beloved Undeclared.
2: By this I mean in terms of it is actually possible that this show is good.
3: See also: Garden State. (I'll handle Zach Braff later.)
4: Think Roseanne, Seinfeld, The Simpsons, etc. for the former, Soap, Barney Miller, Taxi, etc.
5: It is one of two movies that represent everything I hate. Also, I'm sure it's real easy to get over serious depression when you're boning Natalie Portman. The rest of us aren't so lucky.
6: This isn't my theory entirely, but I think one reason he made that movie was to try to show how cool he really is. He's portrayed on Scrubs as so aggressively dorky, I'm sure he got sick of it.
7: I hear there are other ways of getting various shows digitally (i.e., BitTorrent). If anyone can get it for me, or tell me how, that would be nice.
8: And that Amy has one on Andy.
9: To The Andy Griffith Show, of course.

Labels: random