. . .: April 2007

Baseball!!!

Opening day¹ is almost here! A few predictions for the season:

The Reds will lose 90+ games, and be out of the race by June.
They will not finish last however, because the Pirates suck even worse.
Ken Griffey, Jr. will demand a trade in July. He'll be traded to the White Sox, and go on a tear, leading them to the playoffs, where they will lose to the Red Sox.
Adam Dunn will also be traded, causing Marty Brennaman and Hal McCoy² to throw a Pacman Jones-esque party. Dunn will be traded to the A's for a box of baseballs, a fungoe bat, and left-handed relief pitcher.
Josh Hamilton will hit 30 HR's and win NL Rookie of the Year. However, after Marty and Hal's party, he'll relapse³ and never be heard from again.
Bronson Arroyo and Aaron Harang will have another great year, but finish with a losing records.
Joey Votto will have a great year in AAA, but in his first MLB game he'll go 0-4. This will prove to Jerry Narron that he isn't ready, and he'll be sent immediately back down to Louisville, and traded in the off-season.
Homer Bailey will be in the rotation by July.
Ryan Freel will suffer a career-ending injury on Opening Day when he falls off the top of the dugout while chasing those white doves they release every year.
Alex Rodriguez will hit 50 HR and win the AL MVP. However, he will go 0-5 in the first playoff game and will be tarred and feathered outside Yankee Stadium.
The Cardinals will beat the Angels to win their second straight World Series on the back of Albert Pujols, causing Tom Greaves to spontaeously combust in anger.

Footnotes

I do not recognize the ESPN-driven Sunday night opening game. Monday is Opening Day for me. Yes, I realize I sound like Ryan but that is one tradition I enjoy nonetheless.
Marty and Hal (and Dolph) hate Adam Dunn, mainly because he doesn't run to his position.
Josh was a top-five pick coming out of high school. IIRC, he had a crazy sports dad who never let him have a life outside of baseball, so once he got some freedom and money he became a crackhead, of course.

# posted by T.E. Greaves, MLS @ 1:39 PM 0 comments