. . .

• ...as I do have problems with the show, beyond the ones I've already outlined:
• Ted is a terrible character. He's a self-righteous, annoying douche and I just don't get why the other characters fawn all over him. He's the Poochie of this show.
• Anyone who's seen Freaks and Geeks, Undeclared, Knocked Up, and Forgetting Sarah Marshall knows Jason Segel is just wasted playing a straight man. It does make his occasional freakouts much more effective, but it's kind of like using Albert Pujols as a late-inning pinch hitter.
• After seeing Semi-Pro, Will Ferrell is dead to me¹. It seems like instead of having an actual story, the entire film was based off the poster.
  
• One of Chuck Klosterman's pet theories is that everyone has (or needs) a nemesis² and an arch-enemy. My arch-enemy is Roy Oswalt. He's started 25 games against the Reds and he's now 22-1. What the fuck? Even the Pirates, who have been worse than the Reds over his career, have a decent record against him: "only" 11-6. Plus he has the same birthday as me. Prick.
• Speaking of birthdays, I'm now 28. I don't know what to think about this.³
  
• Christ, I'm sick of the election already⁴, and there's still two months left⁵. Some thoughts:
• I'm not voting for John McCain, and I cannot fathom why anyone else would, other than the "R" that's next to his name. We're talking about a fucking Keating Five member here, people.
  
• I'm also not voting for Barack Obama. He gives a good speech, but does anyone have any sort of clue what he stands for? As far as I can tell -- and it's not like he's been clear on the topic, the man seems only to speak in broad generalities -- the only sort of "change" he wants to bring is a reversion to '60s and '70s-style left-Democrat policies.
• No mainstream candidate is ever going to be acceptable to me. P.J. O'Rourke once said that no Libertarian will achieve success in the mainstream, since they tell you what they won't do for you (less government, etc.), whereas every other politician tells you what they will do for you.
• I briefly considered writing in Andy, but alas, he's too young to be President.
• So I guess I won't be voting at all this fall.
• I mentioned my love of continuity in the other post. Two examples where continuity killed my interest in a show:
• Yes, I loved Beverly Hills 90210. One season, they ended with a cliffhanger where Brandon and Valerie⁶ were making out. The next season opener they had some brief aside between the two where they basically laughed it off, which was cheap, but fine, really, because as Brenda's direct replacement as Brandon's sister, it never made sense to romantically pair off Brandon and Valerie. But a couple seasons later, Valerie and Kelly (Valerie's arch-enemy) were both sick with the flu (or something), sequestered in the old Walsh house, and arguing, and Valerie told Kelly the reason she doesn't like her. Well, they do a whole flashback to right after the cliffhanger, and in the new flashback, Kelly comes over right when Valerie and Brandon are about to do it, "ruining Valerie's shot with Brandon" as she put it. Well, that's not really what happened, as I well know.
  
• In King of the Hill, they established that Hank looks like and has the personality of his mother, which is the basic reason Cotton never really liked Hank. But then Cotton goes to Japan⁷ in a later season, and they meet Cotton's illegitimate son, which makes him Hank's half-brother from his dad's side -- none of Hank's mom's genes. So of course, he looks and acts just like Hank, which I know can't happen since, again, none of Hank's genes.
  
• The point is, if I can pay attention to all this shit, is it really too much to ask of the writers to do the same?
  

1. It's very tough breaking up with someone you once loved. I mean, I loved Anchorman and especially Talladega Nights, and he has to go and do this and Blades of Glory to me. Why, Will Ferrell, why?
2. A nemesis is basically a friendly rival; think Larry Bird and Magic Johnson.
3. That's not entirely true.
   
4. That's not true either -- I've been sick of it since it started.
5. As long as we don't have another 2000-esque freakout.
6. i.e., slutty Kelly Kapowski.
7. Cotton "killed fitty men," remember?
   

Labels: baseball, movies, politics, TV