My xmas list...

Don't know what to buy for the fat, depressed bachelor casting a dark cloud over your life? As long as you expect nothing in return except my barely concealed contempt, here's a list of things I'd like this Xmas:

1. A nice iPod dock/speaker system
2. A new quilt, preferably flannel
3. A tobacco pipe
4. Kindle
5. HD TiVo
6. MacBook Air
7. BMW 325i sedan in black or dark blue
8. Tickets to this
   
9. Oh, and that guy to make a good movie again
10. Owen Wilson to retire from acting except for Wes Anderson's films
11. Bill Murray to start feeling better about himself
12. New episodes of The Shield and The Wire
13. A shitload of money